Domestic Violence in Canada 101.

Nov 26

Written By Rachel

The Prevalence of Domestic Violence in Canada

In 2022, 129,876 victims of police-reported family violence according to Stats Can. Women and girls are disproportionately affected by domestic violence. The rate of family violence was more than two times higher among women and girls (455) than among men and boys (215) in 2022. Between 2014 and 2019, 80% of intimate partner homicide victims were women.

While women are more frequently perceived as victims of domestic violence, men can also be targets of abuse. In actuality, it is believed that the initiation of domestic violence between men and women is equal. Due to societal norms and reporting biases, male victims may be less likely to seek help or have their experiences validated.

Why Don’t People Leave Abusive Relationships in Canada?

Leaving a relationship can be incredibly difficult, and there are many reasons why people may stay in these situations. Here are some of the most common factors:

Fear

This includes fear of physical harm, financial instability, or social isolation. Abusers often use threats and intimidation to control their victims.

Fear of threats and intimidation

Perpetrators of abuse often employ fear tactics to exert control over their partners. This can involve threatening harm to the partner, their children, or other loved ones. They may also resort to self-threats, such as threats of self-harm or suicide. Intimidation is another common tactic, including menacing looks or gestures, shouting, or property damage. Coercion, such as blackmail, threats, or manipulation, is also used to force the partner to comply with demands.

Gaslighting

Victims often still love their partner and believe that things will change. They may hope that the abuse will stop or that they can somehow fix the relationship. Perpetrators may use gaslighting to make their partner doubt their perceptions and reality. This can make it difficult for the victim to trust their judgment and leave the relationship.

Financial Dependence

Financial worries can keep people stuck in difficult situations. Perpetrators may control their partner's finances, making it difficult for them to leave. Beyond restricting access to money, they also can:

Sabotage employment

They interfere with their partner's ability to work by controlling their schedule, making them late for work, or harassing them at their workplace.

Coerce their partner into debt

They may pressure their partner to take out loans or credit cards in their name, or to co-sign on loans, leaving them responsible for the debt even after they leave the relationship.

Hide assets

They may hide assets or income from their partner, making it difficult for them to leave the relationship and support themselves financially.

Force their partner to rely on them financially

They may convince their partner that they are incapable of supporting themselves financially, making them feel trapped and dependent on their partner.

Lack of Support

Victims of violence may feel that support systems are not tailored to their needs. This makes them feel isolated and have no one to turn to for help. They may be ashamed of the abuse or fear that no one will believe them.

Limited understanding

Many people may not fully understand the dynamics of domestic violence and may not recognize the signs of abuse. This can make it difficult for victims to get the support they need.

Insufficient resources

In some communities, there may be limited resources available to support victims of domestic violence. This can make it challenging for victims to access the help they need.

Internalized blame

Victims may blame themselves for the abuse, believing that they somehow provoked it or could have prevented it. This can lead to feelings of shame and guilt, making it difficult for them to seek help.

Societal stigma

Domestic violence is often stigmatized, and victims may fear judgment or blame from others. This can discourage them from seeking support and disclosing the abuse.

Cultural or religious beliefs

Some cultures and religions may stigmatize divorce or separation, making it difficult for victims to leave.

Trauma Bonding

This is a complex psychological phenomenon where victims develop strong emotional bonds with their partner, even though they are being harmed. It can make it very difficult to leave. This is how trauma bonding sometimes works:

Cycle of abuse

The relationship is marked by a pattern of abuse, often alternating between periods of intense love and affection and periods of cruelty or neglect. This creates an unpredictable and chaotic environment for the victim.

Intermittent reinforcement

The perpetrator uses intermittent reinforcement, meaning they reward the victim's compliance with periods of kindness or love. This creates a sense of hope and dependence on the abuser, making it difficult for the victim to leave.

Stockholm tendencies

In some cases, the victim may develop Stockholm tendencies, where they begin to identify with and sympathize with their perpetrator. This can further strengthen the trauma bond and make it even harder for the victim to leave.

Children, Pets, and Other Dependants

Victims may stay in these relationships to protect their children from the perpetrator or to maintain a sense of normalcy for their family. They may fear for their safety and the safety of their children or pets if they leave the abusive relationship or seek help. This fear can be intensified by threats and intimidation.

How to Saftey Plan with Someone Leaving Domestic Violence

Victims of violence are at a heightened of homicide, so leaving may take time, strategy, and planning.

Before leaving

Develop a Safety Plan

Let someone know you might need to reach out quickly. Consider using a code word to signal an emergency, allowing you to call for help discreetly, even if the abuser is nearby.
If you have a pet and are concerned about their safety, contact your local animal shelter or humane society. They may have programs to help rehome pets temporarily or provide other assistance.
Identify safe places to go (shelters, friends' homes, hospitals, public spaces, etc.). Determine how to get there safely (public transportation, trusted friend, etc.).
Have a small escape bag ready with:
- Keys
- Money
- Identification
- Medication
- Get copies of important papers (marriage and birth certificates, social security cards, etc.)

Leaving safely

Choose the right time

Avoid leaving during or immediately after arguments.
Identify a time when the perpetrator is likely to be away or less likely to be violent.

Leave quickly and quietly

Have a bag packed and ready to go.
Leave quietly and avoid drawing attention, when the perpetrator is asleep or out of the house.

Change your routine

Vary your daily routine to avoid predictable patterns.

Use different routes to work, school, or other destinations.
Avoid places where you know the abuser frequents.
Consider changing phone numbers email addresses and social media accounts. Be cautious about social media activity and online privacy settings.